Teach children the difference between dobbing and telling

Children live in a world where unwritten rules are constantly reinforced. Growing up they might hear these phrases;

'Don't be a dobber',

'Don't tell tales'

'Don't make a fuss'

'Don't get other people in trouble'

'Don't be a snitch'

Over time, it became a quiet rule children absorbed early, speaking up can get you into trouble. But when it comes to child safety, that message can be incredibly dangerous.

So when something serious happens, they can hesitate. They weigh it up, they question themselves, they ask themselves 'Is this dobbing?' 'Will I get in trouble for saying something?' 'What if no one believes me?'

And in that hesitation, opportunities for protection can be lost. This is why it’s so important that we, as adults, are intentional with our language. When we dismiss children for 'dobbing' without explanation, we risk shutting down future help-seeking behaviour. We unintentionally teach them that staying quiet is better than speaking up.

Children need help to understand the difference between dobbing and telling. Without it, they can carry confusion into situations where their safety, or the safety of someone else, is at risk. A child might witness something unsafe, feel uncomfortable about a secret or experience harm themselves and stay silent. Not because they don’t want help, but because they’ve been taught that speaking up is wrong.

If you want to have conversations with kids about this here’s the reframe I teach;

⭐️ ‘Dobbing’ is about getting someone into trouble.

⭐️ Telling is about getting someone out of trouble.

Telling is what we do when:

☑️ Someone is being hurt

☑️ Someone feels unsafe

☑️ A rule is being broken that could cause harm

☑️ You’re protecting yourself or someone else

☑️ You’re helping a friend

⭐️ Telling is about safety.

⭐️ Telling is about protection.

⭐️ Telling is about getting help from a trusted adult.

We can also reinforce that telling is not a one-time thing. If the first person doesn’t listen or help, it’s okay to keep telling until someone does. This is a critical message, especially in the context of child abuse, where children are often silenced by fear, confusion, manipulation or uncertainty.

These conversations don’t need to be big or overwhelming. They can happen in everyday moments. When reading books, watching shows and navigating friendship challenges. Each moment becomes an opportunity to gently build a child’s understanding of safety, trust and the importance help-seeking.

Teaching the difference between dobbing and telling might seem like a small thing. But it plays a powerful role in shaping whether a child chooses silence or seeks help in a moment that matters. When children understand that speaking up is not about getting someone into trouble, but about keeping people safe, everything changes. And sometimes, that understanding can make all the difference.

Visit the free eSafeKids Keeping Kids Safe Community to download the Trusted Adults Conversation Starters, designed to support you in having conversations with your kids.

About Kayelene Kerr & eSafeKids

eSafeKids is a social enterprise founded by Kayelene Kerr. Kayelene is recognised as one of Australia’s most experienced specialist providers of Protective Behaviours, Body Safety, Cyber Safety, Digital Wellness and Pornography Literacy education workshops. Kayelene has featured on Australian and international television broadcasts, radio programs and in print media.​

eSafeKids books can support educators teaching protective behaviours and child abuse prevention education that aligns with the Western Australian Curriculum, Australian Curriculum, Early Years Learning Framework (EYLF) and National Quality Framework: National Quality Standards (NQS).