esafekids blog

What to Do When You Suspect or Discover a Partner Is Viewing Child Sexual Abuse Material

Kayelene Kerr Child Safety Expert
Jan 16, 2024
6 min read

The largest study of its kind ever undertaken globally, and the first nationally representative research into the prevalence of child sexual offending behaviours and attitudes, has shed unprecedented light on sexually abusive behaviours and feelings among Australian men.

Research findings:

1 in 6 Australian men report sexual feelings towards children.
1 in 10 Australian men have sexually offended against children.
In total almost 1 in 5 Australian men report sexual feelings towards children and/or have sexually offended against children.

The study revealed Australian men with sexual feelings towards children who have offended against children are:

More likely to be married, Caucasian, heterosexual, living in suburbia, have strong social networks and relatively wealthy.
Almost 3 times more likely to work with children.
Significantly more likely to use encrypted apps and privacy services.
Over 11 times more likely to watch violent and deviant pornography.
Over 16 times more likely to purchase sexual content online.

As lead investigator Professor Michael Salter says,

"This study brings unprecedented visibility to the numbers of undetected child sex offenders in the Australian community. This study affirms what countless survivors have said – that the men who abused them were well connected and relatively wealthy, and whose behaviour is secretive and easily overlooked. By shining a light on the characteristics of individual perpetrators and the broader social and technological patterns that enable their abuse, it is our hope that this research can be the catalyst for change to ultimately keep children safe.”

Source: Identifying and understanding child sexual offending behaviour and attitudes among Australian men, 2023

The results of this study do not come as a surprise to me. I studied law, psychology, and criminology in the 1990s and interviewed my first incarcerated child sex offender while still a university student. I then spent 21 years as a Police Officer and Detective, investigating far too many cases of child sexual abuse and exploitation. Everything this report has revealed reflects what I have been sharing with parents, carers, educators and professionals for over a decade.

Non-offending Partner

A non-offending partner is the person in a relationship with someone who has engaged in harmful or illegal sexual behaviour, such as viewing or sharing child sexual abuse material or sexually offending against a child, but who has not participated in, encouraged or been involved in that behaviour.

In other words, they are the partner who has not committed the offence. Non-offending partners are often spouses or long-term partners who may be completely unaware of what has been happening. When the behaviour is discovered, they are frequently left dealing with shock, betrayal, grief, confusion and the devastating realisation that something so serious was hidden within an intimate relationship.

It’s important to understand that being a non-offending partner does not mean someone is unaffected. The impact can be profound, and they may need significant emotional support, practical guidance and access to specialist services to help them navigate what has happened.

My partner has viewed/is viewing child sexual abuse material

Discovering that a partner is involved in viewing child sexual abuse material or sexually abusing a child can evoke a range of intense emotions for the non-offending partner, including shock, disbelief, anger, betrayal and profound distress. People can grapple with feelings of guilt, confusion and a sense of responsibility, wondering if they missed signs or if they could have prevented it. Seeking the support of mental health professionals, friends or support groups can be crucial for emotional well-being during such challenging times.

The non-offending partner can seek support from various sources, including:

Therapy or Counselling

Individual therapy can help the non-offending partner process their emotions and navigate the challenges associated with discovering their partner's involvement in child sexual abuse and exploitation.

Support Groups

Joining support groups, either in person or online, where individuals facing similar situations share experiences and coping strategies can be valuable.

Friends and Family

Sharing the situation with trusted friends and family can provide emotional support and a sense of community during a difficult time.

Victim Advocacy Organisations

Organisations specialising in supporting victims of abuse or individuals dealing with the aftermath of such situations can offer guidance, support and resources to guide the affected person through the emotional and legal challenges they may face.

Legal Advice

Consulting with legal professionals to understand their rights, responsibilities and potential legal implications. Seeking support from professionals or organisations specialising in this area can help guide the affected person through the emotional and legal challenges they may face.

Reporting to Law Enforcement

It's important to prioritise the safety of any potential victims. Reporting such behaviour to law enforcement is crucial, as they are trained to handle these matters and can take appropriate actions to investigate and ensure appropriate action is taken.

PartnerSPEAK

It's essential for the non-offending partner to prioritise their well-being and seek help from professionals and support networks.

In Australia PartnerSPEAK provides advocacy and support for non-offending partners, family members, friends or anyone else who is affected by a person's involvement in child sexual abuse and child exploitation material. Everyone who provides support has a lived experience of the use of child sexual exploitation materials by a family member or within the context of a significant relationship. PartnerSPEAK's peer support workers draw on this experience to connect and provide support.

A 2015 PartnerSPEAK Research Report explores what women experience after learning of their partners involvement in the possession of child abuse material in Australia. The report can be accessed here.

In 2021 a research report detailing an evaluation of PartnerSPEAK was published. A key finding of that research is that PartnerSPEAK's peer support model is strongly endorsed by clients, who identified that it reduced isolation, provided acceptance and provided lived experience information. The report can be accessed here.

PartnerSPEAK Support

It is an incredibly difficult, complex and sometimes lonely time when you are confronted with the fact that someone you love, trust and care for is accessing child sexual abuse and exploitation material. You’re not alone. PartnerSPEAK is a resource created to help you through what will be some of the hardest days of your life.

If you would like support or to refer someone to PartnerSPEAK, contact the service via one of the following ways:

PEERLINE - 1300 590 589

You can seek immediate support by speaking to someone on the peerline:

Monday 9:30am - 1:30pm AEST

Tuesday 10am - 1pm AEST Wednesday 6pm - 9pm AEST Thursday 3pm - 7pm AEST

FORUM

Connect with others who have walked the same path as you through the online forum. This safe and fully facilitated platform is a place where non-offending partners, family members or friends can gather in solidarity, share stories and seek advice. You can connect with our peer community on the forum here. The forum is accessible 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all year round.

CHAT

The chat facility, accessed via the forum, is here.

EMAIL

support@partnerspeak.org

FOR ALL OTHER ENQUIRIES

Phone: (03) 8080 2181

Email: con tact@partnerspeak.org