Why I'd Rather A Young Person Read Welcome to Sex Than Learn About Sex From Pornography
- Kayelene Kerr Child Safety Expert
- Jul 15
- 8 min read
Updated: Jul 15
One of the biggest challenges facing parents today isn't whether their young person will become curious about sex, it's where they'll go to satisfy that curiosity. For today's children and young people the first lesson about sex often doesn't come from parents, teachers or health professionals, it comes from the internet.
Research tells us that many children and young people are exposed to pornography often years before they have their first sexual experience. Sometimes they actively search for it, but more often than many adults realise, they stumble across it accidentally through social media, group chats, pop-ups, gaming platforms or friends sharing links.
Pornography has become, by default, one of the largest sources of sex education in the world. The problem? Pornography was never designed to educate, it was designed to attract attention, keep viewers engaged and generate profit.
Like social media, pornography is shaped by algorithms and commercial demand.
The content that attracts the most attention is often the most extreme, novel or shocking.
As a result, children and young people can be exposed to messages suggesting that:
Aggression is normal
Coercion is exciting
Pleasure only matters for one person
Communication isn't necessary
Everyone should look a certain way
Everyone enjoys the same sexual behaviours
Saying "no" is simply part of flirting
Sexual activity between family members is normal
In fact, researchers found 1 in 8 pornography videos advertised to first time users described sexually violent, coercive and non-consensual content. It is fair to say pornography is playing a key role in creating a climate in which coercion and assault are normalised, eroticised and minimised.
“I’m concerned when I see women are treated very harshly by male partners e.g. being slapped in the face, thrown around and don’t seem to be enjoying it or are crying.”
Young woman, 20
“Sometimes I’m quite shocked by the amount of violence in it.”
Young man, 20
These messages are not only inaccurate, they can also shape unhelpful, unhealthy, harmful and even illegal attitudes, expectations, behaviours and beliefs.
This is one of the reasons I recommend Welcome to Sex, if the alternative is a young person learning about sex from mainstream pornography, an evidence based, comprehensive, inclusive, positive and shame free resource is a far safer starting point.
"Parents, carers, educators and professionals play a key role in supporting children to develop the social, emotional and relational skills needed to have safe, positive and respectful experiences, including navigating pornography’s influence."
Kayelene Kerr eSafeKids Founder
Welcome To Sex
Another reason why I recommend this book is because it doesn't pretend pornography doesn't exist. Welcome to Sex talks about the things missing from pornography. It is a modern, evidence-informed guide that recognises the world today's young people are growing up in.
"I think especially when it comes to sex, learning about it from a sex education class or from parents is a lot better than learning it from something like porn, because porn doesn't talk about consent, it doesn't talk about the process leading up to it because it's just focused on the sexual act where sex is a lot more than just the act, it's everything before, everything after and everything in between.”
(Source: Adolescents’ perceptions of harm from accessing online content, Woodley etal 2025)
Written by Dr Melissa Kang and Yumi Stynes it provides factual, inclusive and practical information that helps young people navigate relationships and sexuality with confidence.
Between 1993 and 2016, Dr Melissa Kang was the expert behind the long-running Dolly Doctor column. When she first began writing the column, girls sent handwritten letters, several hundred a year in the early to mid-1990s. By the mid-2000s, she was receiving around 30,000 emails a year, and she read every single one! It gave her an incredible window into the health, relationship and sexuality curiosities and concerns of young people. She answered up to ten questions a month (and for a few years, up to five from boys too).
Dr Kang is a practising medical doctor, Associate Professor in the Specialty of General Practice at the University of Sydney and author of three fantastic books you’ll find on the eSafeKids website Welcome to Your Boobs, Welcome to Your Period and Welcome to Consent.
"Children and young people are learning from pornography because we don’t do a good job educating them. What they receive is often too little, too late, too biological and too straight. I think we forget that sex leads (or should lead) to pleasure more often than pregnancy."
Kayelene Kerr eSafeKids Founder
Pornography is entertainment, not education
Imagine if children and young people learnt to drive by watching action movies or gaming. They would see speeding, dangerous overtaking and spectacular crashes, but very little about road rules, hazard perception or defensive driving.
Pornography is similar. It often portrays fantasy rather than reality. It rarely reflects what healthy, respectful, mutual and consensual relationships actually look like, feel like and sound like.
Mainstream pornography typically focuses on sexual acts. It rarely shows real conversations, trust, emotional connection or mutual respect that healthy relationships require. Welcome to Sex places relationships first. It discusses communication, boundaries, consent, empathy, emotional readiness and respect alongside the biological aspects of sex. It reinforces that healthy intimacy is built on mutual trust, not unrealistic expectations, pressure, coercion, intimidation or force.
Pornography can create unrealistic expectations
Pornography often presents unrealistic bodies, exaggerated sexual behaviour and highly edited performances that bear little resemblance to real-life relationships.
Young people who rely on pornography as an educator can develop unrealistic beliefs about:
What bodies "should" look like
What sex is supposed to involve
How people behave during intimacy
Gender roles and expectations
Welcome to Sex helps counter these misconceptions by presenting diverse bodies, normalising the wide range of human development and explaining that healthy relationships are built on communication rather than performance.
Pornography doesn't explain emotions
Sex isn't only a physical experience. Young people also need help understanding feelings - vulnerability, rejection, embarrassment, attraction, heartbreak and emotional readiness. These topics are largely absent from pornography but are explored thoughtfully throughout Welcome to Sex.
Pornography doesn't teach digital citizenship
Today's young people are also navigating online relationships and intimate image sharing. Rather than pretending these issues don't exist, Welcome to Sex acknowledges them and encourages critical thinking, safer decision-making and respectful online behaviour.
Inclusive without losing the science
The authors acknowledge that every young person is different. The book includes information about sexual orientation, gender diversity and diverse relationships
while maintaining clear biological explanations about reproduction. Inclusive information helps all young people feel represented and promotes understanding, respect and empathy.
Sexual Identity of Australian Year 10 - 12 students
58% heterosexual
23% bi-sexual
6% lesbian or gay
6% other
Accurate information reduces reliance on unreliable sources
Some parents worry that providing comprehensive information encourages young people to become sexually active. However, decades of research into comprehensive relationship and sexuality education consistently shows otherwise. Providing accurate, developmentally appropriate information is not associated with earlier sexual activity. Instead, it is associated with improved knowledge, healthier attitudes towards consent, stronger relationship skills and safer behaviours when young people do become sexually active.
That's why I don't see Welcome to Sex as replacing parents, I see it as supporting them.
Parents remain a young person's most important source of values, guidance and support. This book simply provides accurate information that can make those conversations easier.
What sets Welcome to Sex apart is its commitment to giving young people the information they need before they need it. Rather than assuming they'll somehow figure things out on their own, it acknowledges that many are exposed to sexual content online long before they are developmentally ready to understand it. This book offers a trusted alternative to misinformation from social media, pornography and peers.
Welcome to Sex addresses the topics pornography almost never does. Each topic is presented in bite-sized sections with colourful illustrations, diagrams and humour that make complex topics approachable without trivialising them. The scope of this book is impressive, it explores:
Anatomy using correct terminology
Puberty and body changes
Reproduction and conception
Masturbation
Care and hygiene
Orgasms
Wet dreams
Sexual and gender identities
Body diversity
Media and social media
Pornography
Myths about sex
Reasons not to have sex
Feelings, flirting and falling love
Attraction and sexual attraction
Emotional readiness
Consent
Communication
Sexual kissing
Sexual touching
Oral sex
Intercourse
Mutual pleasure
Aftercare
Nudes, texting and online sex
Expectations and disappointment
Respectful Relationships
Dating
Breaking up, rejection and managing emotions
Dealing with a broken heart
Ghosting
Contraception
Sexually transmitted infections
Pregnancy
Awkward sex moments and other challenges
Painful sex
Premature ejaculation
Porn addiction
Alcohol
Relationship abuse
"If we don’t create safe spaces in homes, schools and communities for children and young people to ask questions and explore curiosities, we leave a void, one where they’re left to interpret online content and influencers without guidance or support. Our silence creates a vacuum, and harmful and even illegal content is all too ready to fill it."
Kayelene Kerr eSafeKids Founder
My perspective as a child safety educator
From a child safety perspective, I see Welcome to Sex as a resource rather than a replacement for parents, caring adults and school based educators.
Would I hand this book to every 8 year-old? No
Do I encourage parents to read it first? Yes
The book is very comprehensive that's why I generally recommend it for ages 14+, or younger if parents believe their child is ready.
Please keep in mind the average age an Australian young person experiences unwanted sex is 14 years and 9 months. It can be helpful to consider pornography viewing precedes other sexual behaviours young people engage in.
Sexual Practices of Australian Year 10 - 12 students:
Average Age of Sexual Practices
14.6 years deep kissing
15.1 years giving oral receive
15.2 years receiving oral sex
15.3 years vaginal sex
15.6 years anal sex
Ultimately, the book is a tool. Whether it's the right tool depends on the individual young person, their maturity and the guidance of their trusted adults.
A valuable resource for parents too
Although written for young people I always tell parents to read the book first. Many adults received little or no comprehensive relationship and sexuality education themselves. Reading this book can increase parents' confidence and provide language they can use when answering questions or starting conversations with their young people. Many adults have told me they learnt a lot reading this book, things they wish they'd learnt sooner!
What if I don't agree with this book
Not every family will agree with every page of Welcome to Sex, and that's okay. Parents and carers have different values, beliefs, cultural backgrounds and expectations about when and how topics relating to relationships and sexuality should be discussed. It's completely reasonable to decide that some parts of the book don't align with your family's approach. The important question isn't whether you choose this book. The important question is, what resource will your young person use instead?
When young people have questions and don't feel they can ask a trusted adult, they'll often look elsewhere for answers - friends, social media, online influencers or pornography. Those sources rarely provide the values that parents want their children to learn.
Some families feel the book presents sexuality from a values-neutral or sex-positive perspective that doesn't align with their religious or cultural beliefs. Some feel it doesn't place enough emphasis on abstinence and normalises a wide range of sexual behaviours. However, others appreciate that it avoids prescribing moral viewpoints.
If Welcome to Sex isn't the right fit for your family, I encourage you to find another evidence-based, comprehensive, inclusive, positive and shame free resource. We don't want to leave a knowledge vacuum, ongoing education and conversations is important.
A final thought
In a world where many young people are learning about sex through social media, online influencers and pornography, providing them with accurate, evidence-based information has never been more important.
With pornography often only a few clicks away, it's vital that young people have access to reliable information before misinformation fills the gaps. While no book can replace the guidance of a trusted adult, resources like Welcome to Sex can help parents and carers start the conversations every young person deserves to have.
FIRST
THEN
THEN
THEN
THEN
THEN
About Kayelene Kerr & eSafeKids
eSafeKids is a social enterprise founded by Kayelene Kerr. Kayelene is recognised as one of Australia’s most experienced specialist providers of Protective Behaviours, Body Safety, Cyber Safety, Digital Wellness and Pornography Literacy education workshops. Kayelene has featured on Australian and international television broadcasts, radio programs and in print media.
eSafeKids books can support educators teaching protective behaviours and child abuse prevention education that aligns with the Western Australian Curriculum, Australian Curriculum, Early Years Learning Framework (EYLF) and National Quality Framework: National Quality Standards (NQS).
